knights at home

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on the last 5 months and a lot has happened since January. I separated from my ex-husband in January, I bought and moved into my own house in February, I starting seeing someone new, I started anti-anxiety medication, I quit my job after accepting a position with another company, and I decided what I want for my future in terms of family life.

It’s unfortunate to say, but I think the divorce was probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me. Vin and I are still good friends; we talk all the time, and I truly believe that we were meant to be friends and nothing more. He’s a great person to have in your corner and I appreciate his friendship so much.

It’s been interesting trying to navigate the dating world as a twice divorced 29 year old, but I’ve at least been putting myself out there. As mentioned earlier, I had started seeing someone and it was a bit of a roller coaster, but things have evened out now. Since starting the medication a couple months ago, I feel like a completely different person.

When I introduced myself to the person I started seeing, I introduced myself as Mandy instead of Amanda and then I started the meds and now I feel like Amanda never existed. I’ve been introducing myself as Mandy to anyone new and I’ve been trying to get the people in my life to transition into calling me Mandy, as well. It’s crazy to reflect back on my life and realize that essentially my entire life for as long as I can remember had been tainted by anxiety in some form.

I feel as though I’m no longer that version of myself. I’m a completely new version; one that isn’t scared to do things, say exactly what I’m thinking and feeling, put myself out there, and get back into doing things I used to enjoy doing.

This weekend alone I got back into gardening and I drove myself to Trader Joe’s. Now, the Trader Joe’s thing is a big deal because of a couple things. Previously, my anxiety (and my anxiety ABOUT my vertigo issues) had prevented me from driving, as well as going into grocery stores or really any type of store for that matter. For the last couple years, I had barely driven and I ordered everything online. Now that I’m on my own, I need to be a little more self sufficient and get back into doing things on my own the way I used to. So, I drove the 40 minutes to Trader Joe’s, walked around the store on my own and got my groceries, and then got back in the car and immediately drove myself home WITHOUT ISSUE, stopping for some ice cream along the way because I deserved it.

The fact that I can do that now is HUGE! What a relief it is to know that I can do that drive on my own and get my own groceries.

As I continue to reflect on the last 5 months, all I can do is think about how grateful I am for ending up exactly where I am. I feel thankful for the way my life is turning out and I can’t wait to continue on this path as I get more comfortable within myself and the world around me.

I have a feeling some big things are on the horizon, so keep an eye out for that 😏

Talk soon!

xoxo,

Mandy